Up Close and Personal : To Those Days Where You Don’t Feel Like Doing Anything
*Disclaimer : If you are looking for a fun post, this might not be it. This post is basically just about me rambling about everything and anything. If that is not something you are into, that is totally understandable and totally A-okay. Come back on Wednesday (GMT +9) and I will – hopefully – be back on my regular grind. Thank you!
Today is my blogpost writing day. However, I found out that as soon as I sat down in front of the white blank page, I don’t know what kind of post I want to write today. Don’t get me wrong, I love writing. It is one of the reasons why I decided to start a blog in the first place. Despite my love for writing though, there will always be those days where all I want to do is to roll around on my bed and do nothing.
Oh, better yet.
I want to roll around, be lazy and procrastinate like a sloth, but also have a blogpost to publish.
Duh (cue dramatic eye-roll).
I know. Blogposts don’t write themselves. I mean, unless you have someone write them for you. But other than that, both you and I and the birds that fly happily in the sky knows that things are not going to just magically do themselves. Which means, you either have to suck it up and start, or do nothing and abandon it.
I chose the former.
Which is why, rather than forcing myself to wring out a blogpost when I am not really feeling the #writingmojo, I decided to just vomit out whatever I wanted to write.
There are days when all I wanted to do was write and create. On those days, I would literally be brimming and jumping up and down with excitement. I just have so many ideas with everything I wanted to do, I was overflowing with them! On days like those, I felt like 24 hours a day are too short. I felt like I needed 48 hours in a day so that I could realize all the ideas I had.
With the good days, it is only logical that there will be the downside to it. For the downside from all of those crazy days where I was filled with creative juice, there come days – even weeks – where I don’t feel like doing anything other than lay around and be lazy. Ideas don’t come to me, I don’t feel like writing nor creating. All I wanted to do, was to stay at home and just rest for days.
Which is totally understandable. Truly. When you constantly push yourself to create and spend hours brainstorming ideas, your brain is bound to have those moments where it will go, “Time out. I need rest. Bye bye world. I will stop thinking and do nothing for the next few days.”
So right now, I think I might be experiencing what they call : burnout.
It is not that I don’t have ideas banked up, I do. It is just that whenever I sit in front of a computer and start writing, I found myself going blank. When I wrote, I have always felt this burning desire to write more. To create. It was always as if my fingers couldn’t move fast enough for all the things I wanted to type out. You know? It was as if I got high from writing. It was the kind of feeling you get from doing something you truly, deeply, enjoy.
And I just … haven’t really been feeling that lately.
It isn’t the end of the world. No. It just simply means that my brain are probably tired from all the shit that it has to put up with a.k.a me. Just kidding.
Joking aside, I don’t know what it means. Things like this, it comes and goes. This has happened to me before, and I have gone through it. Just like how I am going to go through this again, as well. It is not going to change anything, if you are wondering that I am going to stop blogging – girl, stop blogging? I can’t even if I want to, I love it too much to stop.
I am just writing this to… I don’t know really. I write simply because I want to. I write this post because I feel like it might help to write it down. In a way, like clearing out all the jumbled mess that I have up here *taps head*.
Maybe it will help, maybe it won’t. Who knows? All I knew was that I wanted to write this down, to vomit it all out in the form of writing since it has always been therapeutic for me. So I did.
I am sorry that this post is totally different from what I usually put out on this blog. But you know, sometimes you got lemons, and I don’t know about you, but I’m not a big fan of lemonade nor do I know how to make it into lemonade. But you gotta try. At the end of the day, it will be those who try, and continue to do so every single day that wins. Don’t you think so?