Up Close and Personal : The Hazard of Spreading Myself Too Thin
This is going to be a ramble-a-thon session. This post will be different from what I normally hack up, and if this is not something that you might be interested in reading, I totally understand.
With that said, feel free to check out my other posts, or come back in a few days. I’ll be back on my normal grind by then, promise.
For as long as I could remember, I have always believed that the world is my oyster. That everything is possible, everything is within reach as long as I want it, and have the tenacity to hustle and work for it.
And it is true. That motto still stands until today, I believe that train of thought will continue to be what fuels me and keep me going. However, as much as it is amazing to know what you want, and be willing to put work into it, I realized you also need to understand your own limitation.
Learning and understanding my own limitations hasn’t been easy. I suppose when it comes to this, you can say that I am a very hard headed. As in, I want what I want, when I want it, and of course, I am willing to put in the work it needs to achieve said goal. However, I have the tendency to want too much, to be interested in too many things all at once. And the result? Not good.
I ended up stretching myself into so many different directions, so many different ways, that at the end of the day, I either half-ass so many things and fail to put my 100% in anything at all. Or, I try to put my 100% in everything I do, and ended up burning out at a breakneck speed.
I suppose one thing that could be said about me was that I didn’t know how to pace myself. I get too excited too often and too soon, almost like that of a child.
AND THEN IT GETS A LITTLE TOO MUCH
Lately, I have been facing a block when it comes to blogging. First of all, let me just say, I love blogging. There is nothing in the world like it. I wouldn’t ever trade anything for it. But I must admit, sometimes, it gets a little bit too much. I mean, if you have been with me for sometime, you know I have had days like this.
Days where I all wanted to do is pop out bangin’ blogposts after bangin’ blogposts, but failed to cough up anything worth while.
And I get it, I really do. When it comes to being a content creator, there are bound to be times when you just feel like you’ve hit a wall and didn’t feel like creating at all. Trust me, after going through those fluctuation of emotions a dozen times, I get it. I get that it will pass, just like it did for all the times when I have felt this low.
This time around, I think my main problem is that I’m juggling too much. All at once, I am trying to cram work, school, youtube, blogging, and pursuing my other hobbies and interests into 24 hours. Of course, I get that there are people out there who are juggling with more things that I do right now, which is amazing for them if they were able to balance all of that out. For me however, I feel like I’m tethering on the edge of a burnout. Since we are being real real right now and showing all of our decks on the table, let me say this : I am fucking exhausted.
I’M NOT COMPLAINING, JUST . . .
I am constantly on the state of exhaustion. I mean, I love being busy. A life where I am just on the go 24/7, is the kind of life I live for. However, I have come to realize that sometimes I really need some down time. And right now, I barely have any. The downtime I have are all spent on catching up with the blog, school, or my social life.
And no, before you say anything, no, I’m not complaining. I love what I have going on in my life right now. I can say that for a fact, because a girl bust ass to make sure I am where I am right now. It’s just that, when I am pulling on so much, it starts to affect my creativity. I don’t know if it shows yet, but I can see the effect it has on the contents I put out as clear as day.
I could be too critical with myself for all I know. But right now, it feels as if all the things that I am doing in life right now are slowly feeding off on my creativity and sucking it dry. And I hate that feeling. I hate it more than anything in the world.
I want to write, to create. More than anything, I aspire to make something worth while. I yearn to put out something that is worth your time. Lately however, I find that I am completely sucked dry by activities like school projects and work. And I hate it.
I dislike coming up with non-unique ideas. I loathe writing a content that I do not feel proud about. Writing is a laborious task, and I despise not being able to feel that high that I usually got after sitting down for 3 hours writing a post.
THE BOTTOM LINE IS
Your girl is tired. Scratch that, your girl is fucking exhausted and she could use 10 hours of sleep and a week of doing nothing.
I realize this, trust me, I do.
Which is why, there might be a possibility where I might –– or might not –– take a few days’ break in the upcoming weeks. I don’t know yet, I will have to decide as I go.
However, if there is one thing that I know for certain, it’s this : I know myself better than anyone else. Sure, there might be pressure ; be it from the outside world or from myself to keep pushing forward without breaks, but that is simply not healthy. Knowing the fact that I am the only one who can take care and prioritize my own needs, I understand that there are moments where I have to listen to my body and put my personal well-being first and everything else second.