A Very Late Thanksgiving : 2018 and the Things I’m Grateful For
With every single day that passes, we are getting closer and closer to the finish line. The end of another year. The end of another 365 days.
Do you still remember the saying? About how they say that time pass faster the older you get? I can tell you that right now, it’s true. Now that we’re already so close near the end of yet another year, looking back, I knew a lot has happened in 2018. I knew I have learned, laughed, cried, and loved. In the 330 days from the beginning of the year until today –– the day I am sitting down and writing this post –– it felt like a lot has happened, yet at the same time, it felt as if I have barely lived. Because seemingly at one moment I was celebrating the New Years of 2018 surrounded by my beloved, and at the blink of an eye, we are all getting ready to leave 2018 and looking forward to embrace 2019.
That is why I decided to summarize my 2018 in a post. One would think that our brain is all capable, and will be able to put into memory all the events that we think are important. But throughout the years, with each and every single day that passes, new people that we meet and new memories that we make, we don’t realize just how much we forget. A single event that may be extremely important to you, and that you held dear and close to your heart today, might not even matter so much to you 5 years down the road. You might not even remember it anymore.
Because we all forget. As much as we swear that we won’t, given enough time, we all forget.
And I don’t want to forget. I want all of these memories that made me who I am today to still be accessible for whenever I decided to revisit it someday. And as I know just how prone to forgetting the human brain is, I have decided to write it all down. After all, what is the point of owning a blog if you can’t write whatever you want to write?
1. Me, Myself and I
Out of all of the lessons that I have learned in 2018, this is by far the most important. In 2018, I have finally learned 3 words. 3 words that I put before everyone and everything else. Me, myself and I. I learned to prioritize myself, especially when it comes to my mental well being.
This is something that I have been struggling with for a very long time. One, because I have the tendency to put other people’s priority before my own for the longest time. I would always keep my needs second and other people’s first, causing me to eventually crash and burn in the nastiest way imaginable.
Nowadays, I always make sure that I am mentally and physically sound before proceeding with anything else. I have learned to stop myself when I’m taking on too much and going too fast in life. At the same time, I also no longer worry or hesitate about what the world thinks about me when it comes to doing the things I enjoy.
I know at the end of the day, most people are and will always be preoccupied with themselves and their lives. I used to care and worry about what other people might think of me and my actions, but I am happy to say that I am slowly learning to change that train of thought. In return, it has made me a happier and more carefree smol bean.
2. Observe More, Judge Less
Have you heard of the saying : Don’t judge the book by its cover ?
That is something that is easier said than done. Because as humans, judging is something that is wired into our very being. We see something, and the very first thing we do is to take in their appearance, the way they carry themselves, the way they speak, the clothes they wear… The list goes on.
Just by those few things that I listed out alone, it’s obvious that from the moment we opened our eyes to the moment we closes them, we spend a good chunk of time and energy constantly judging and assessing our surrounding and the people that we come in contact with.
While judging in itself is not a bad thing, it is hard to see something and still keep an open mind and refrain from being opinionated. Trust me, I get it. I used to be a very opinionated person, once my opinion about someone is made, it would be very hard to get me to change my mind about them. In the past year however, I have learned to let that habit go little by little and just in general be more willing to give people the benefit of the doubt.
While it has not been easy to change that habit around, but I can positively say that I am at least doing a pretty decent job on it.
3. Thank U, Next
You read it right.
My 2 years, almost 3 years relationship ended in 2018. In our relationship, it was the case of : I grew up, and you didn’t grew alongside me. I was constantly working on myself, and it seemed as if he was stuck in the past and was content with that. I, on the other hand, wasn’t and wanted more.
In retrospect, I guess I can say that I saw it coming. Towards the end, it was obvious that he was putting less and less of an effort towards the relationship and I too, wasn’t looking to waste my time on someone who wasn’t willing to give his 100% in a relationship. And when two people no only have the same end goal, what else is there to do than to go our separate ways?
4. Shitty People Makes World Goes Round
This one was a tough pill to swallow, but your girl did it.
I tend to want to see the best in everyone. Despite all the bad shit that people did, this smol bean right here will still find some way to give them the benefit of the doubt, with a complete package of the what ifs and maybes.
I know that was another part of myself that I should work on as to not be so gullible in the future as there are simply a lot of shitty people in this world who are just waiting for the right moment to take advantage of you.
In 2018 in particular, I have met my fair share of them. It was appalling and a tad bit sickening at first to see the lengths some people would go to be an asshole, but at the end of the day, I am only responsible for my action and mine alone. I can’t control how other people decided to act, but I can control how I reacted to it.
5. I Love Yous
One thing you should know about Asians, is that we would rather die than say the 3 formidable word. I mean, sure, I will say it to my significant other, but god forbid if I ever show emotions to my family members. As an Asian, we show our love through straight As and our ability to eat food using chopsticks.
Okay, okay. Just kidding.
But in all honesty, I am slowly learning to tell my parents “I love you” more. When I first started telling them those three words, they were the bane of my existence. I would have such a hard time getting those 3 words out of my mouth.
But I did it.
A few times.
Countable on one hand.
It was actually kinda embarrassing and sad now that I think about how un-often I tell my parents those 3 words. But don’t judge the girl, she’s trying her best. We shall see more improvements in 2019. A girl damn hope so.
6. Letting Go is Good. Sometimes.
I have always struggled with control. By no means am I a control freak, but when I don’t have control, I freak.
I like having control on the things I do and my surroundings. Not having control is honestly one of the easiest and simplest way to stress me out. Your girl will actually have an anxiety attack and a mental breakdown right then and there if she realizes that she doesn’t have full control of the things in her life.
No, I don’t and never will need to have a tight rein on everything that is going on in my life, but I at least need to have the feeling that I have everything under control. And if you are wondering what are the ways that I have whipped up to learn to let go of control, wonder no more because I’m never doing that. Having control keeps me sane, and that is something that I will never wrestle away from myself.
One, because why would I?
Two, because, why the fuck would I?
What I have been trying to learn and implement into my life is that it is definitely okay to let go every now and then. It is okay to not have everything planned to the utmost immaculate detail every single time. And it is okay to not strive for perfection all the time and give yourself some space to breathe and fuck up in small scales.
It is obvious that this is an area in my life that definitely still need much work, but I am not in any rush. As long as I know what I am working towards, and I am working towards it, I don’t mind going at it at a snail’s pace.
7. Seize the Day. Or the Person.
I’m not sure when this all started, but in today’s society, it seems like having pride and playing hard to get is very highly encouraged. For some reason that I never seem to understand.
And this, is a habit that I never want myself to adopt. I have never seen any point in playing hard to get for an extended period of time. Sure, the push and pull is fun at first, but if push and pull is all there ever existed in a relationship, then what’s the point?
I have always implemented in myself that if I enjoy someone, be it because of their personality, or their company, or their interesting perspective, I make it a point to let them know. I never like to beat around the bush and try to make someone guess what is going on in my mind or where someone stands in my life. After all, what’s the point of having a mouth if you don’t use it to communicate?
Other posts :
- Timothée Chalamet : A Man Whose Smile Brightens Up The World
- Quotes Galore : Call Me By Your Name By André Aciman
- Up Close and Personal : To Those Days Where You Don’t Feel Like Doing Anything