Up Close and Personal : A Mix of Overwhelmed and Over-Stressed
It’s a vicious cycle ladies and gents.
One moment you’re doing fine and feeling like you’re at the top of the universe with all these creativity juices in your brain, and the next, you’re at your lowest, feeling as if you’re having your life sucked out of you as you try to catch up with all these deadlines.
I’m not going to lie, sometimes blogging feels like you’re trying to pull on the weight of an entire house. It is a lot of work. I mean, I knew going into it that it is not going to be easy. I knew when I decided to start blogging and really commit to it that it would be a constant struggle with trying to keep up with the schedule and continue to come up with ideas. And despite all of the complaining that I do on the blog, I truly enjoy what I do here. But sometimes, it does get a tad bit too overwhelming, even for something that I love so much. When it does, I kind of just pause whatever post it is that I am writing, and pour my feelings out instead.
This is by far one of the most effective way for me to sort out my emotions, so this is what I’m going to do. And I know most of you didn’t subscribe to this blog to read about me yap and complain about my feelings. Which is completely A-Okay. Come back again a few days from now, and I promise you everything will be back to normal.
But for today, I am feeling overwhelmed and I want to pour that all out on a post.
Some Background Story :
Since I moved to Japan a few years back for my studies, my parents have always made it a tradition to spend the New Years and Christmas with me. Which is either : a) they fly out to Japan or b) we go traveling somewhere else together. And it usually would be around 2 weeks. Which I am totally down for. I mean, I only get to see them a handful of times a year, so no, your girl is not complaining.
But the thing is, while they are visiting, it is nearly impossible for me to get anything done at all. Since they specifically came here to see me, it would be very disrespectful of me to neglect them and just start working on my blog instead. You feel me?
Which is why, being the procrastinator that I am, about a week before they were supposed to visit, I started planning, scheduling and writing all the posts that I want up so that despite me not available for that 2 weeks period, the blog will still be up and running as per usual. With 3 blogposts every single week.
The thing is now, I have 6 blogposts on my hands that I need to write, edit and schedule. At the same time, I still have to whip up 3 posts for the current week. Which totals up to 9 blogposts that I need to write in the span of 5 days. I mean, no, it’s not an impossible feat because I have been handling it –– albeit while complaining –– kind of okay. “Kind of” being the keyword.
But for some reason, this time around, it feels more draining that usual trying to keep up with all of that. For some reason, I just feel lethargic and exhausted. Not physically, but mentally. It got to the point where it feels as if I just couldn’t catch a break. Granted, I chose this for myself. And trust me when I say I really enjoy blogging and I would not trade it for the world. But sometimes, it feels as if I’m being too tough on myself. Most people would tell me that it would be okay to miss a few days, even a week or two. After all, it is the holidays. Who would mind too much if I don’t post for a week or two?
Plus, do I really think that I’m that “popular” in this blogging world that it will go to shit if I don’t post for a day or two? Definitely not. So then you would ask me, what’s the problem then?
Well you see, the thing is, in my brain, it doesn’t work that way. For some weird reason, I just don’t like the thought of just not posting and take a day off when I could be –– should be –– putting up a blog post. I take days off from blogging when I really need to, trust me, I do. But in this case, it’s not even because I don’t feel mentally creative enough to blog. I do. But due to poor time scheduling and planning on my part, I feel like I’m running from deadlines to deadlines with no time in between to relax.
And I suppose I just hate that feeling of hopelessness. It’s not exactly hopelessness, I think it’s more of the fact that I’m mad that I could not take my time crafting and creating each post and instead having to push myself to continuously write up posts to keep up with the schedule.
And when it comes to that, suddenly, writing just doesn’t seem as enjoyable anymore. If that make sense?
Cutting to the Chase :
Which is why, I decided to stop pushing myself so disgustingly hard and let myself take a breather whenever I needed to.
The point is to keep things in balance. And right now, it feels like things are slowly but gradually spinning out of control. If I don’t slow down and try to take back that control just so that I can keep up with the deadlines, I honestly would not even want to try to guess what will happen to my mental sanity by the end of this.
So I guess I just want to say that there will be day(s) where I will be missing a blog post or two in the next few weeks. But worry not, I will always try my best to keep up with the normal schedule and post when I’m supposed to. I just want to give you some heads up beforehand that if one of these days there are no blogpost from yours truly, please know that : Firstly, she’s sorry. Secondly, know that she’s probably just taking it slow and keeping her sanity in check.
Thank you for being so wonderfully understanding.