Up Close and Personal : A Letter to My Most Beloved
I have always said, loving you … is like coming home.
The best days, and the worst, means nothing as soon as I turned the key and took a step into our apartment building. Seeing you there, be it cooking or playing with the cat, or even napping, would have and always will be the highlight of my day.
The way you’d smile and how your eyes light up when you see me walk through the door will forever be ingrained in my brain. How you’d hug me afterwards and whispers just how much you love me and miss me, even with my greasy face and limp hair after a long day, never fails to make me feel at ease.
No matter how good I am with words, I truly don’t think I will ever be able to fully explain the depth of my feelings for you. I know this is downright silly to say when I’ve only lived a quarter of my life on Mother Earth, but I think there is some truth to the saying : when you know, you know.
I think you knew sooner that I did. Because I don’t know if you notice this, but you have been fighting for us from the very first time we knew each other. When all I did was trying to sass you away, you were relentless in repaying me in kindness and drowning me in nothing but gentle compassion.
“This is different, I feel it. I don’t know how I know it, but you are different.”
Those were your exact words to me not a week after we started talking. And of course, per my usual fashion, I tried to sass my way out of it not really thinking much about what you said. Now thinking back, I should have known. You put your bet on us long before I even thought of the possibility of an “us”, and against all odds, you won.
Now looking back, the exact moment I knew that I was falling for you, was when I called you at 2 in the morning quietly sobbing. My reason? I was scared. Being just out of a toxic relationship not too long ago, I was afraid to jump into another relationship so quickly. I did all that I could to keep you at bay, to force any romantic feelings back but as we all now know, I failed. Horribly. I expected you to freak out on me, telling me that I was crazy or stupid to be crying over something like “feelings”. I even readied myself for the backlash that I was about to receive, but it never came.
All you said was, “I would never hurt you on purpose, I promise.” And then proceeded to quietly stayed on the phone for nearly an hour as I quietly cried.
Truth is, I have not been easy on you. And for that, I apologize.
I have discouraged, sassed, and sometimes even being downright mean to you to push you away. But today, looking at what we have, for which you deserve almost all of the credit for, I am thankful. I am grateful that you didn’t just call it quits and gave up on my awfully annoying and at times difficult derrière.
Because if you did, I would have missed out on so much and wouldn’t even realize it. All those late night tickles, random kisses, all those silly daddy jokes and witty comebacks that I never would have imagined I like so much in a relationship would never have happened had you gave up on us.
For that, I thank you.
You are, for the lack of any better explanation, my better half. For you, I will always strive to be better. For you, I will always try my utmost and ultimate best. Because you, you deserve the world. And I know I should not be saying this, let alone think about it but –– the fact that you chose me, when I am sure dozens of other females out there will be more than happy to call you theirs makes me very extremely happy, and a little sad.
Happy because I get to have the man of my dreams. A man that I didn’t even know I wanted until after a good month of talking daily and constant push and pull.
Yet at the same time sad, because I wonder, if you could have had better. If you could have had it easier, had we never met. But I don’t like to dwell on these things too much, as it is pointless. The point is that right now, out of the thousands and even millions of possibilities that we could have not met, we did. In this world you are mine, and for that, I will be forever thankful. For that, I will continue to love, cherish and fight for you as long as I have breath in my body.
Here is to years of mundane, sometimes boring yet loving and laughter-filled days to come. To days where I’ll be a difficult bitch which you’ll have to deal with and I apologize in advance. And to all the times where I’ll have sporadic weird moments where I want to be a goldfish or a chicken just because.
Thank you for being the most amazing partner that I could have ever asked for. Thank you for being a role model, a sometime teacher and my number one fan.
Here is to the rest of our lives together.
Ps : I love you 10000
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- Up Close and Personal : So Apparently I Am A Butterfly
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