Up Close and Personal : Letting Out A Bunch of Gibberish on the Mind
So here we meet again. You know when your girl whip up one of these Up Close and Personal blog post, she has a bunch of gibberish on her mind that needs to be vomited into words.
It may not always makes sense, because as we all well know, when it comes to feelings and emotions nothing ever does. But as it is, going and working through these bumps are all a part of life and what makes it colorful. Not to mention, the reason why I decided to start writing Up Close and Personal posts is to let the readers out there know that they are not alone in their emotions.
While the emotions bombarding from each and every angel could feel very frightening and foreign, trust that you––dear reader––are not alone in those feelings. There is surely someone out there who has felt the way you did, just as lost and desperate, but had managed to pull through. If they can do it, what makes you think you can’t do the same as well?
Love, Romance, Romantic Love?
I gotta say boys and girls, romance is some complicated ass shit. Honestly though, for a word that only has 4 letters love sure is a headache. Okay, hold on. Let me rephrase. Love is simple, it’s humans who like to complicate things. Humans like who, you wonder? Humans like me.
Okay, okay. Let me get y’all up to speed with what’s been going on so far in my life: I fell in love.
I can sense the frown that’s blooming on everyone’s face right now going like, “huh?” “okay?” “you fell in love so what?”
To answer to your frowns and tilted heads: I fell in love, and now I’m scared.
A Great Person, But…
Okay, so your girl fell in love. Big deal.
“You fell in love, so now go after the person,” is what I would always say. Unless, that person is taken of course. Heeding my own advise, I did chase after the person. And lord fuck me, he’s an even greater person up close. I mean, look, I have an inkling about what kind of person he would be before getting to know him. But after talking to him, this person surpassed everything that I have thought him to be.
Sure, your girl might just be biased because she’s in love, but holy mother of god, this person is absolutely amazeballs. Like, once in a lifetime meteor amazing. He was able to breeze past all my walls and barriers that I have erected around my heart and win me over without much effort.
And I’m scared. I’m scared that I would ended up getting hurt. I’m scared of so many things that could go wrong. But at the same time, I’m also curious.
And so I let myself free fall.
and deeper down.
Because at this point, is there really anything else I can do?
An Unattainable World
If you know me, then you know that I’m not usually a person who’s easily intimidated. I like to take challenges head on, sometimes––if I’m bored enough––I’d even go on an adventure just for the sake of it.
Bottom point is, I’m not exactly someone who shy away from things. But with him, it intimidates me. His success, career, ability. It makes me wonder if instead of being a steady moon, he’s more like a meteor. A star that just barges into your life, lighting it up like the 4th of July, but then gone before you had the chance to know more.
There and gone. Before you even had the chance to really wrap your head around what has happened.
I’m Scared, Then What Should I Do?
This feeling I have for him, it scares me. Some call it a crush, some call it infatuation, some call it love.
To be honest, I don’t even know what it is myself. Okay, I lied. Rather, I know, but I’m too much of a pussy to confront my own feelings and admit it.
Being with him is exhilarating. It feels like I’m truly alive for the first time in a very very long time. However, with that feeling of exhilaration, also comes the feeling of dread. A question of what if? What if this is all temporary? What if none of this lasts? What if I made the wrong decision?
But then again, I ask myself: if I don’t give this a shot, will I forever live in the regret of what could have been?
- Up Close and Personal : A Few Things That I Have Learned in 2019
- Korean Actress Kim Go-Eun: Who is She? How Did She Rise to Fame?