Up Close and Personal: Feeling Lost in Life and How I Deal

Up Close and Personal: Feeling Lost in Life and How I Deal

 

The past few weeks, I have been feeling a bit lost in life. I feel at a loss about where I should go next, what I should be doing after school finishes. Should I stay or move to a different country to challenge myself and push myself outside of my comfort zone? Am I really unsure of where to go next, or am I simply just non-content with who I am thus no matter where I go, I will feel just as miserable?

Well, they are all good and valid questions. Scratch that, they are all great questions that one should ask oneself every now and then. The problem, however, is the fact that I do not have the answer to all of the questions that I wrote up earlier. To be fair, had I known the answer to those questions, we wouldn’t be here today.

 

 

1. THERAPY 

As soon as I figure that something isn’t feeling quite right within me, I knew that I had to seek help. Therapy is something that I was very much against until a year ago, but after it quite literally saved me, I have been much more open to the idea of going to see a professional in order to talk out my worries.

Through therapy, I realized that there are no such thing as big problems little problems. There is no use comparing my life and my problems to other people’s lives and issues. No matter how small something might be, if it is something that bothered me enough that I am losing a sense of peace over it, I personally think it is a fair game to talk it out with either a friend or a professional.

As I am writing this right now, I am still in therapy. I went back to therapy about a month ago, and things are progressing quite swimmingly. I am now more accepting of myself and my feelings (I realized that I have been suppressing my feelings all this time and boxing it without trying to listen to what it is trying to tell me). So that is something I am currently working on.

 

2. BEING OKAY WITH THE FEELING

This is difficult for me, being okay with the fact that I am feeling lost in life and that I do not have an answer on how to fix it.

I am the kind of person who likes to solve problems right away, so I can move on to other things instead of letting something sit and ruminate. It is just not how I am wired. So now, after talking to my therapist and her saying that I should learn to be okay with not being able to solve everything all the time, while it makes sense in theory, it is quite difficult to practice in real life.

 

feeling lost life

 

I am trying, however, and these days I find myself more at peace with the fact that I do not know the answer to everything, and that is okay. I am also acknowledging my emotions more often too, instead of pushing them to the side, never to be seen and dealt with. To be honest, I don’t know when the light bulb moment will come to me––I don’t know if it ever will––but that is okay.

There were hundreds and thousands of people who have been where I am today. They have worried, pondered, cried, and wallowed. Yet, as time passed, they too managed to overcome it and get on with life. Refocusing my point of view that way, I found, brings me a bit more peace during these times of feeling lost.

 

3. BREAK HABIT

I might not be feeling 100% but I am not letting that stop me from experiencing and trying new things. While there was a period of 2-3 weeks where I didn’t really do much of anything but be a bed worm, recently I have slowly––but surely––started to get back to the swing of things.

Trying to build new habits such as eating healthier, going on walks every day and soaking some vitamin D, socializing, and being less judgemental towards people. Despite not knowing where I want to head towards in life, for now, I am still gently pushing myself to learn and incorporate new things into my routine. Not trying to sound cliche, but I find that it really helps. Walking especially has done wonders for me. Simply just walking with no direction in mind, not listening to music or podcast, just enjoying the quiet and nature.

 

feeling lost life

 

I’m unsure if it is breaking away from that workaholic state of mind, or just the accumulation of all the small things that I have been trying. All I know is that it works, and I am grateful.

 

4. DO AWAY WITH TOXIC PRODUCTIVITY

Another thing that I struggle with. I honestly do not know where this idea of having to work myself to death to prove that I am being productive came from, but I did it for 5 years before I realized that productivity doesn’t have to look this way.

Previously, I would be taking on so many new projects that I wouldn’t even have the time to rest on weekends. On weekends I would spend it playing catch up on all the things I need to do the next week. And during those times, I would be having burnouts every 2 weeks. It was a very unhealthy and unsustainable lifestyle that I somehow, sustained for 5 years.

 

Wherever you go, there you are. No matter where you go, there you are. Wherever you go, you will always find yourself.

 

It wasn’t until my most recent burnout coupled with suicidal thoughts that I actually stopped to take a good look at my life. Sure, I am doing well at school and at work, but at what cost? Is it worth having anxiety attacks every few months and fantasizing about offing myself every few weeks? I decided that it wasn’t and am now in the process of revamping my whole schedule and setting a baseline for myself on what projects I entertain and what I do not.

I must say, life has been so much calmer when I am not trying to drown myself with 10 different ongoing projects at once. It took me a while to get here, but I didn’t regret those 5 years. I wouldn’t be where I am today without it.

 

5. TALK IT OUT

These days, I am talking much more with my friends. And not about surface-level conversation either, we have deep talks dissecting why I feel the way I do and how they overcome this feeling.

This made me realize that everyone knows something that I don’t. It’s a no-brainer when we read it, but it is much harder to practice in real life than we think. Until recently, I always wondered if most of my friends just never went through life crisis where they question everything, why does everyone seem so happy most of the time? I just concluded that they must never really give this self-improvement thing as much of a thought as I do.

While there are some of my friends who are truly just zen by nature, most of them did go through periods of doubt in life like me. They just didn’t talk about it because they didn’t think anyone would be bothered to listen to their story and what they have to say. This opened my eyes to the fact that there are so many things out that don’t meet the eye. However as humans, especially in the current time period where we’re always bombarded by information 24/7, we made out judgments about something or someone and don’t bother to change it, I am in this boat too. After understanding this about myself, however, this is something that I am actively trying to fix.

I am sure many of you have heard the saying, “Change is the only thing that’s constant.

It is okay to change. I am not the person I was a week ago, and I gave myself that benefit of the doubt and acceptance. Why would I not do the same towards others?

 

feeling lost life

 

As I am writing this, the waves of doubt still continue to swell and ebb but at least for now, I have learned to exist and continue living life alongside it instead of trying to fight or conquer it. Feeling lost is part of living, like many things in life, it comes and goes. I have learned to be more attentive to my own feelings and emotions, not trying to control it or let it control me, but just being. Of course, things will continue to change because that is just how life is. We grow, we change our minds again and again and again. But it’s all part of the process, and I am slowly starting to learn to trust the process instead of trying to rush to the end.

 

 

 

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